I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I touched a dick in church today
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