Will you blow on my dice?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
