If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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