I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Green mimosas i think yes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.