i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
