The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
