everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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