I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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