Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
