I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
