508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
