I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
