WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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