Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize