she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
