It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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