I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
