I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
