my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
