I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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