worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
