Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
