she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
