I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
