The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
