Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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