More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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