This beer is not sobering me up at all
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
