just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You're like the curious george of whores
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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