five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
