Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite