I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
