good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
