Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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