know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
