My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
