I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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