if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
