No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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