how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
