We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
