who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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