Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is Oprah even human
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
