just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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