She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
