She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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