I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
