why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize