I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Nobody cheats on THIS.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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