omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
where does the pee come out of this thing
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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