I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Bring me that man meat
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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