Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
