I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
