don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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