Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
