I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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